Building Community
The Intersection of Discomfort, Safety, and Peace: A Journey of Growth
Carey Borkoski, Brianne Roos, Kenita Williams, and Taylor Ann Gonzalez
Topics
When educators design and create new schools, and live next gen learning themselves, they take the lead in growing next gen learning across the nation. Other educators don’t simply follow and adopt; next gen learning depends on personal and community agency—the will to own the change, fueled by the desire to learn from and with others. Networks and policy play important roles in enabling grassroots approaches to change.
Discomfort is a necessary part of growth, but it cannot be productive without a foundation of safety and a path toward peace.
Discomfort is defined as a feeling of unease and conflict between our perceptions (what should be) and the realities (what is) of a situation. It may involve wrestling with unpleasant realities and experiencing feelings of friction and disequilibrium. Discomfort is also often touted as a catalyst for growth, a necessary space where transformation takes place. However, as we explored in a recent conversation, discomfort does not exist in isolation. It is complex and intertwined with diverse feelings including safety (or not), tension, division, and peace. Our discussion of discomfort revealed a critical need to deconstruct discomfort to build awareness of these entanglements and work to address the elements present.
The Role of Safety in Growth
When we think about personal development, it’s easy to focus solely on pushing ourselves outside of our comfort zones. However, what happens when discomfort is not a temporary state but a persistent condition? For most of us, we have moved through an experience that left an imprint on us. Whether it’s been a specific trauma, or an experience that left us without a choice, sensations felt as discomfort can be an edge to lean into or an invitation for growth rather than a barrier to it. Moreover, the extent of the barriers can, perhaps, be calibrated by the concentrations of safety and tensions within personal discomfort. In other words, if the discomfort is truly about a disequilibrium we experience when learning something new, it may be temporary and manageable. If the discomfort is grounded in a person not feeling safe, being unhoused, experiencing physical harm, or something else, discomfort is a much more significant barrier.
Peace does not mean the absence of discomfort, but rather, the ability to navigate discomfort from a place of stability.
Safety is foundational. Without it, the nervous system remains on high alert, preventing individuals from reaping the benefits of discomfort. This is especially relevant in the context of childhood development and learning environments. If a child does not feel safe—emotionally, physically, or psychologically—their ability to learn and grow is compromised. The same can be true for adults.
Privilege and the Experience of Discomfort
One of the most thought-provoking aspects of our discussion was the recognition that experiencing discomfort without feeling unsafe is a privilege. Many individuals navigate life with a sense of security that allows them to take risks, whereas others must constantly assess their surroundings to ensure their survival. Acknowledging this distinction is essential when discussing discomfort as a tool for growth.
Reframing Comfort: Seeking Peace Instead
An interesting shift occurred during our conversation: a collective re-evaluation of the word “comfort.” Comfort, in many ways, can be an illusion or even a privilege. It suggests a level of ease that not everyone can access. Instead of striving for comfort, we considered the idea of seeking peace—a state that allows for both security and growth. Our ability to find security and growth hinges on our ability to feel a sense of agency or control in situations. It is important to acknowledge that there are communities and identities who do not have this sense of control. Belonging and comfort require having meaningful voice, mutual power, access, and opportunity for shared design in different containers we collectively occupy.
Peace does not mean the absence of discomfort, but rather, the ability to navigate discomfort from a place of stability. It is a state of being that allows us to remain grounded even when facing challenges. In this way, peace and discomfort can coexist, offering opportunities for resilience and transformation.
Practical Strategies for Navigating Discomfort
Our conversation also touched on ways to cultivate safety and peace while embracing discomfort as a learning tool. Some strategies included:
- Creating Containers of Trust and Safety: Whether in personal relationships, classrooms, or workplaces, establishing spaces where people feel seen, respected, and valued fosters an environment where discomfort can be productive rather than harmful.
- Embodiment: Breathing exercises and calling attention to our breath may help regulate our nervous system, making it more accessible to navigate moments of discomfort.
- Self-Reflection: Asking ourselves questions about where discomfort is arising in our bodies and what it is trying to teach us can shift our perspective from resistance to curiosity.
- Physical Awareness and Grounding: Placing a hand on the heart or belly, stretching, or shifting posture can help create a sense of stability in uncertain moments.
Collective Responsibility in Fostering Safety
An essential takeaway from our discussion was that safety is not solely an individual endeavor—it is a collective responsibility. Whether in personal relationships or professional settings, we must all contribute to environments where others feel safe to grow. This means actively challenging exclusionary behaviors, speaking up when we witness injustice, and fostering spaces where people feel seen and heard.
Safety is not solely an individual endeavor—it is a collective responsibility.
Discomfort is a necessary part of growth, but it cannot be productive without a foundation of safety and a path toward peace. By shifting our focus from mere comfort to a deeper sense of groundedness, we can embrace discomfort in ways that are transformative rather than overwhelming.
As we continue on our respective journeys, perhaps the most important question to ask ourselves is: How can we cultivate peace within and around us so that discomfort becomes a path to growth rather than a source of distress?
Take a moment, close your eyes, and say the word “peace.” Notice what happens in your body. Maybe, just maybe, that’s where the journey begins.
Listen to Our Conversation on Discomfort, Safety, Peace, and Growth
Photo at top by Allison Shelley for EDUimages, CC-BY-NC-4.0
Carey Borkoski, Brianne Roos, Kenita Williams, and Taylor Ann Gonzalez
Carey Borkoski, Associate Professor, Loyola University Maryland
Dr. Carey Borkoski teaches, mentors, and coaches education leadership students, early career faculty, and other emerging and current leaders. Her research explores belonging, the critical importance of a sense of belonging to learning and growing, and the ways that educators and leaders can contribute to spaces to invite belonging. Dr. Borkoski has written a book on navigating discomfort and has a forthcoming book exploring belonging based on several years of data. Carey is an ICF-certified coach and when she is not teaching, coaching, or doing research, she is spending time outside running or with her family. Follow Carey on LinkedIn and listen to her podcast Tell Me This.
Brianne Roos, Assistant Professor & Director of the Undergraduate Program, Dept. of Speech-Language-Hearing Sciences, Loyola University Maryland
Dr. Brianne Roos is an assistant professor and director of the undergraduate program in the Department of Speech-Language-Hearing Sciences at Loyola University Maryland. Her areas of research include belonging, stress, well-being, and connection for students and faculty. Always looking for alignment across lived experience and innovative, engaged pedagogy, Brianne’s publications, presentations, podcasts, and classroom practices connect theoretical support with application that centers the whole person.
Kenita Williams, Chief Operating Officer, Southern Education Foundation
Dr. Kenita T. Williams joined the Southern Education Foundation (SEF) in 2017 and serves as the chief operating officer. Kenita is responsible for the day-to-day administrative and operational functions of the organization and implementation of SEF’s programmatic priorities, represents SEF’s values and efforts to key external partners, and helps to create the organizational systems, processes, and culture that ensure that SEF is as catalytic and impactful as possible. Kenita has served as the partnerships manager for Atlanta Public Schools and as senior program manager for public policy at the Southeastern Council of Foundations. She spent several years as a consultant for JFM Consulting Group and worked on Capitol Hill as a legislative correspondent for then-U.S. Senator Barack Obama. Kenita is also a Teach for America alumna, teaching third grade in Atlanta. Kenita earned her bachelor’s in political science and history from Yale University, her master of public policy from the University of Michigan, a teaching certificate from Georgia State University, and her doctorate of education from Johns Hopkins University.
Taylor Ann Gonzalez, CEO & Founder, Body Alchemy Project
Taylor Ann Gonzalez, M.Ed., is a trauma-informed yoga teacher and certified run coach, and certified trauma-informed weight lifting. She is a student of life and an educator at heart. She knows the body is powerful beyond measure and we can harness it through embodied healing. See the Body Alchemy Project to learn about her work.
